We are the Knights (that’s pronounced phonetically - cuh-nig-its - as of the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail) Who Say Cyclic, a group of High School students, all of whom attended 6thgrade at Challenger School. At Challenger, we each gained not only a respect of the English language but also the want to change the world. Our noble mission is to improve America, one step at a time – primarily by improving the U.S.’s tongue and correcting false ideas about how its government functions. To learn more, please visit our website at www.cuhnigits.org.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Story Time!

Author's Note: This is an excerpt from my 13,000 word story, with 
which most of you are probably somewhat familiar. Please comment, 
critique, criticize - anything that will contribute to the story's success. 
Thank you, and enjoy. 

When they reached their destination – the king and queen’s rooms –  
Katie was released and allowed to wander the sitting room while Helena  
went to find King Griffyn. When she returned not two minutes late,  
Katie’s father was at her side. The king was tall like his wife, and  
he had a beard and head of hair that was black streaked with silver.  
His eyes were pale blue, and they seemed to penetrate Katie’s soul as  
she resolutely returned his fierce glowering.
“Father,” she said with sarcastic respect, as she rose and curtsied.
He did not reply, merely crossed his arms and frowned. He seemed to be  
much larger, and (though she hated to admit it) more intimidating than  
Katie remembered. She clenched her jaw and folding her arms in  
mimicry, if only to try to convince herself that she wasn’t frightened.
“Your recent behavior has been deemed unacceptable.” He said in a low,  
dangerous tone.
“By whom, Your Majesty?” Katie was really pushing it. She knew her  
father was already angry, but it was just so tempting to be a pain.
“SILENCE!” He roared. “Do not speak until I command you to do so.” He  
was practically trembling with anger. Katie inhaled quickly and  
stepped back, defeated.
“Your recent behavior has been deemed unacceptable,” he growled,  
speaking louder now. “Naturally, the ideal consequence would be  
expulsion from the kingdom. Regretfully, we are not authorized –“ he  
hesitated and Katie knew he was thinking about Lord _______ and the High  
Council. “- to preform such an act. However, we have been permitted to  
confine you to your chambers until said behavior is amended and any  
conflicts resolved. You may now speak.”
“Okay,” Katie said, treading cautiously with carefully-chosen words,  
“May I inquire to the validness of a matrimonial act between myself  
and Prince Zachery, if such a consequence is instated?”
“Said matrimonial act will proceed, minimally affected by… absence of  
the betrothed.”
“And my lessons?”
“All regular events in which the princess partook would be terminated.”
Katie nodded curtly.
“May I be excused?”
King Griffyn frowned again, and then rang for a servant to escort her  
to her room.


  1. (Sorry that the formatting is kind of weird; it wouldn't tab...)

  2. I know! Just press space five times, that works well. I love this! Why doesn't she see her father a lot?

  3. Hmm, I don't know. It could be anything, really. Maybe the norm of that time period was that a daughters of royalty were discouraged to associate with such an important person as the King because of... I don't know, unnecessary contact, shouldn't bother King, not King's responsibility... no clue. Any suggestions?

  4. Wow Megan! You're writing has really improved! It's amazing! I love it! ^0^ Maybe, her father was hoping for an heir, and was disappointed that he had a daughter. So he put restrictions on her to prevent unwanted encounters with her. But he treated her so cruely that her mother was afraid that he would physically harm Katie and tricked the king into creating a law that made it so that he could make no decisions against her without the council's permission somehow, which would explain why he couldn't punish her himself... although, the heir part is kind of cliche... haha, well, It's midnight. Excuse my idea if you don't like it ^-^ By the way, is it really 1300 pages?!

  5. 13,000 WORD, not page, very sorry. I would love it if it were 1300 pages. Or even 300. =) that scenario is very... detailed, Mira...

  6. BWAHAHA! Yes yes, I believe I did inform you that it was midnight at the time, and on top of that, I had just finished watching an episode of an anime that was remarkably like a cross between sailor moon and the little mermaid... my brain was just a little bit tweaked.

  7. OOOOOH! lord________ should be renamed Evil-Tyrant_dictator Joseph!!
    That's ME!

  8. I agree with Baldr. That he is an Evil Tyrant. But I think the name should be Damian. If he's evil. If not, then Lord Dexious. I just made that up ^-^

  9. Interesting. But I'm not sure if there should even BE a Lord ______ (we should hold a vote to decide what his name should be) and his council, because that style of government wouldn't really flow with the rest of the story and that time period...

  10. Well, if you went with it you would have to rework a lot of relationships, but I don't see how it doesn't fit with the times. I really like the idea, but see the cliche element. Don't let us bully you into anything you don't want, Sol.

  11. =) Don't worry, I won't allow ANY bullying. AND I know how to deal with bullies. =P Hope I sound threatening enough.
    I'm just... thoughtful. MOST stories like mine (the classic fairy-tale type) have a castle. With a king and a queen. Usually there's not much of the democracy/councils of elders/anything more powerful than the king. So, I could go against the trope and add in a democracy (kind of, not really a democracy but you know what I mean) or stick with the good old (slightly cliche) king and queen scenario. What would you recommend? Don't worry about bullying. I mean, does the council feel natural enough to be plausible?
    Thanks for the comments, by the way. This is a major help to my story. =)

  12. I think that having a counsil is generally a good idea.
    Point 1: it leaves room for more plot, even if it never happens in the first book (counsil is infiltrated, counsil decides gets rid of king... etc)
    Point 2: It gets rid of the cliche that you mentioned (to a certain extent)
    Point 3: A good old fashioned Coincl-of-Elders can add a lot of mysterie to any story, and when people try to do something "new" in the country they are generally against it, making the book have more oposition (always a good thing) (to a certain extent)

    Baldr, god of crtitics

  13. On your Suggestion 1: Corruption! Coup-d'etat! All the way FOR IT.
    On your Suggestion 2: True, true. So, a twist that isn't TOO out-of-place?
    On your Suggestion 3: Sheeple! Power! Fahrenheit 451! Fantabulous. Thanks.

    Sol, Goddess of Creating the Perfect Story (with help) =)

  14. I've been scouring the beginning of before-mentioned story (TP, The Tale of a Princess) recently and there are a LOT of holes. If anyone's up for hearing some holey excerpts and providing some desperately-needed advice, just holler and I'll post some of the stuff I'm not so proud of. =)
    Sol, goddess of... the absence of perfection.

  15. I am completely up for excerpts!!! I'm sure the holes aren't that bad.

  16. P.S. I wish they'd send you an email every time a new post was posted too.