We are the Knights (that’s pronounced phonetically - cuh-nig-its - as of the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail) Who Say Cyclic, a group of High School students, all of whom attended 6thgrade at Challenger School. At Challenger, we each gained not only a respect of the English language but also the want to change the world. Our noble mission is to improve America, one step at a time – primarily by improving the U.S.’s tongue and correcting false ideas about how its government functions. To learn more, please visit our website at www.cuhnigits.org.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Story Time!

Hey folks. So I was thinking, you know how some authors used to write little "episodes" of stories, which would then be read on the radio? And how sometimes when they were all done they would publish it as a novel? Well, if no one minds, I would like to do something similar on here every other week. If any of you dislike the idea, let me know in the comments. Otherwise, please give me critiques and ideas. I really need both. Thanks, and now onto:
MY STORY (needs a real title)
Alonzo sat on a hard metal bench in a corner of a dirty, crowded train station. Normally he tried to avoid such public places, but it was winter and he wanted to warm his hands. He kept an eye on the crowds while he held his hands out to the vent in the wall. People roamed around the booths selling food, maps, and paperbacks, waiting for the next train departure. One group stood out in the crowd though. They were not dressed according to the codes. Many of the girls were wearing woolen skirts and cotton blouses instead of their work clothes, and only one nervous boy was wearing the knee-high boots that most men wore.
As Alonzo idly watched the odd group, one of the girls approached a woman who appeared to be in her mid-thirties. The girl seemed to speak ernestly for a moment, and pressed a sheet of paper into the woman's hand. The woman, looking frightened and angry, dropped the paper and walked briskly over to the gaurds who stood watching the crowds. As she began speaking and gesturing toward the girl, Alonze rose warily from his seat on the bench. He had learned that whenever there was trouble with an officer, it was safest for an Anaglasian immagrant like him to get out of the way.
Meanwhile, the girl had returned to the group, looking anxious. One of the gaurds approached the group. He appeared to be trying to interrogate the girl, but before he could say much, a tall boy stepped forward and began to speak energetically to him. When the gaurd pulled out his handcuffs, the young man jumped in between him and the girl. He placed a firm hand on the gaurds shoulder. "Stop!" he said emphatically. (This sentance feels so awkward. Please help!)
How will the gaurd react? Who is this mysterious group of kids? Who is Alonzo?
These questions will be answered in our next exciting episode. (At least, more exciting than this one.)


  1. Oh, thank you thank you thank you, Laga! I'm glad you're getting this story off the ground. Cannnot wait for the next episode.
    You have done an excellent job introducing everything - the audience is not entirely in the dark, but instead curiously wondering the details - what is this society, where there a dress codes and Amaglasian (is that the word? Sorry if I messed it up) immigrants are discriminated against... basically, you're off to a great start. I believe there are a few places the wording could be improved - just go through it a few times, I guess, and think about different ways to state some of the ideas. That's what I'm doing with TP (The Tale of a Princess) right now. (I've got a tense relationship with Katie's father simmering right now, hope it works out well. I will share some "episodes" from it presently.
    Again, thank you! For the idea of Story Time, for putting it into action, for sharing your own work. =) Looking forward to the next post!
    Gratefully yours,

  2. Thanks Sol! Any title ideas? I am at such a loss.

  3. I'm afraid I'd have to more of the plot to think up an appropriate title, sorry. As the story unfolds, though, I will give you every idea that pops into my head.

  4. Will there always be 2-week breaks between each of your story time posts, Laga? I'm not sure i can last that long without hearing more... but of course, I respect your busy schedule and entirely understand if that's all that can be feasibly managed. =)

  5. Yup,I'm afraid that if I push it I will just abandon it to it's fate in some dusty corner. Hopefully what, Baldr?

  6. "...abandon it to IT'S fate?" Come now, Laga, we can't tolerate grammar such as that. =) You ARE a Knight, after all.

  7. Sol, I suppose that means that you have never made a simple grammatical mistake in your time as a Knight? I will gladly dig up some slight mishaps you had during our extensive emails if you would like. ^-^

    Mira, Goddess of Meddling and Giving Aid

  8. Well, you see, the blog is a representation of our society. It gives viewers a taste of our ways of life, and our thoughts... unlike a private email. And it was mostly a joke anyway. I know that Laga knows the proper usage of "its" and "it's," so I wasn't REALLY bothering her on the matter. Sorry for the MISUNDERSTANDING, Mira.
    Sol, goddess of making things right

  9. Would it be okay if I stepped into this cat fight and request help for my story, not my accidental grammar mistakes?

  10. =) Of COURSE you can step in. You don't even have to ask. (Just feel free to BARGE RIGHT IN like *coughMIRAcough*) Just kidding. In fact, THANK YOU for interfering. So yes, to your STORY...
    Can't wait to hear more, again. I like the beginning... oh, I already said that in my first comment. =) okay, I DOUBLE like the beginning. Crowded train station, here we come! Um, see my first comment, I guess. Is there anything in specific you want to discuss? I'll be happy to.

  11. Yeah. Is there anything I need to clarify or describe more clearly?

  12. Um. Well, it's the very beginning, and I don't think things have to be very clear in the beginning as long as they're explained later on. It's clear enough that it functions and flows smoothly, but there's also a good amount of material that makes the reader intrigued.