We are the Knights (that’s pronounced phonetically - cuh-nig-its - as of the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail) Who Say Cyclic, a group of High School students, all of whom attended 6thgrade at Challenger School. At Challenger, we each gained not only a respect of the English language but also the want to change the world. Our noble mission is to improve America, one step at a time – primarily by improving the U.S.’s tongue and correcting false ideas about how its government functions. To learn more, please visit our website at www.cuhnigits.org.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Story Time! : Sol

Okay now, shifting gears. Figuratively.
The following is an excerpt from a story Laga and I are working to compile and perfect, so please! - help us perfect it. We've got a bunch of these random scenes that have yet to be strung together, so if you want more, we'll be happy to oblige. Enjoy and critique! Even criticize, I really don't care.
At five years of age, an important day came for Apollo - his Creature Bonding day. At precisely 2:33 p.m., which was the time Apollo was born exactly five years before, his mother fetched him from his room and together they made their way towards the capital city. They rode Grenich, his mother’s Doom Creature who was in horse form. Apollo had never been to the city of Doomopolis before, and when they got there he was blown away by the sinister beauty of the city. Black towers rose up towards the sky from the fortress that served as the king’s home and the capital building. An eerie mist twisted itself around the towers, making the air chilly and foreboding. At this age, Apollo was mystified and entranced by that feeling, and he instantly feel in love with the city. At the drawbridge, Apollo was sent in, alone. As he walked across the dark iron drawbridge, he looked up with wonder at the towering black brick edifice. He stepped through the massive entryway into a welcoming hall, that was no more welcoming than the outside of the capital. So of course, Apollo loved it. It was strangely similar to the outside, actually. Black bricks that appeared to be slightly wet, and even some tendrils of mist swirled inside the cold hall. There were no tapestries or pictures on the walls, and no carpets on the floor. It was a barren wasteland of a building.  A double door stood at the end of the hall, and when Apollo reached it he stretched out his arm to turn the knob. But the moment his hand touched the icy metal, a voice just as cold rang out behind him.
“Not that door, Apollo.” Apollo jumped and looked around for the source of the voice. It seemed to be coming from the walls around him.
“On your left,” it commanded. Apollo turned. “Your other left, boy.” And indeed, once he was facing the right direction he found a door which had certainly not been there before.  He pulled it open to find himself in a chamber, identical in everything but size and shape to the hall before it. But, it was not empty. Inside it was a kindle of kittens - about twenty young black cats with intense blue eyes. They were behaving normally - mewing and climbing over each other, play fighting and some trying to nap while others pounced on them - but they felt different. Apollo closed the door behind him and sat down next to the group. Something told him that these animals were not really cats. But then, what were they? The voice boomed again, as if it had read Apollo’s mind.
“These are Doom Creatures, boy,” it said. “Hasn’t your mother told you anything?”
“No sir,” Apollo responded loudly and clearly, wondering how he had suddenly gained courage enough to talk to the strange thing.
“Hmm! Mothers nowadays are terribly irresponsible.”
“Yes sir,” said Apollo, feeling it was a good idea to agree. “May you please explain what she has not?”
“As mothers have declined, five-year-olds have flourished, I see! You are very polite for a young boy. Yes, I can indeed explain. You have seen your mother’s Doom Creature, I trust?”
“Yes sir.”
“Well, she and everyone else over five years of age in this grand nation has one. It is a Doomian’s companion for life, and one can barely survive if his Creature is taken away from him. Now that you are five, it is time for you to choose your own friend. Simply stay quiet and listen carefully to the ‘cats’ and one is sure to stand out to you. It may not be that it comes over to you, or seems any different visibly, but you will be able to tell. Close your eyes now, Apollo, and wait.”
He did. After a minute or so, he could no longer here mewing, though he was sure the kittens continued to frolic. A few seconds of this odd silence, and then he opened his eyes, knowing exactly which Creature was the right one. A kitten in the middle of the pack, looking nothing special and identical to his neighbors, was giving of an indescribable feeling, and Apollo knew, somehow, that this was the one. He stood up and walked to it, hardly disturbing the scuffles. Apollo carefully scooped up the kitten and held it close. 
“Very good, Apollo,” the voice said. “For most people, it takes much longer. The faster you choose your Creature, the stronger the bond between you is. That means if you were ever separated, it would be ever more devastating, but that chances of that are extremely low. You have nothing to worry about. You are excused, Apollo. Oh! I almost forgot. His name is Aidan.”
“Thank you, sir.” Apollo left, stroking the fur of his new companion. “Aidan,” he whispered. “Aidan. Aidan, my very own Doom Creature. I love you, Aidan.” The young boy ran out to his mother, proudly holding the kitten. “Look, Mother! My Doom Creature. And the voice said our bond is extra-strong because I found him quickly.”
“That’s nice. Now, get on Grenich, we have a long ride back.”


  1. This comment is just letting you know that I've posted. So... I've posted. There. Now comment. (Please.)

  2. THIS is just letting you know how irked I am that no one has commented. So... I'm irked.
    There. Now comment. (Please.)

  3. Now I shall read it...
    So, I know "Doomopolis" has always been the name of the city, but... um... how do I put this...
    So yeah.
    Baldr, god of trying-but-not-really helping

  4. Umm yeah, sorry, but that didn't vreally help. And it vas a pitiful attempt.
    I need to stop myself from thinking ov Dracula vhen I use thees accent. Becos ov course Dracula actually had perfect Eenglish, it said so in the book.

  5. Well I already know the storyline from way back then, which I really liked. Some of the writing in the beginning seems a bit awkward to me, in a literature sense. The style and tone seems to jump around a bit. But that might just be me. I've been reading The Odyssey lately, and I'm kind of stuck on the literature style, and the other books I've been reading in between are books like Fablehaven, so my judgement could be a bit off. But my unprofessional advice would be to concentrate on the beginning bit more. Some parts seem a little more like an essay than a story, but again I am weird. As you already know. ^-^

  6. Oh come on!
    You know what I was getting at!

  7. Thank you Mira, for your honorable attempt at providing useful advice. And congrats on your half-success.
    Baldr, on the other hand... you shouldn't expect to be able to get everywhere/anywhere in life on "You know what I was getting at!" Pitiful, really. Make it explicit. Convince me. Persuade me. At least TELL me.

  8. There's a new post, for anyone who's interested.

  9. I'm the only one who's commented in, what, two weeks? Okay, more like a week and a half. But still, come on, you can't all be THAT busy. And I'm the only one who's POSTED for nearly 3 weeks. =(

  10. I apologize. But I really was THAT busy. I had:
    1. A debate competition
    2. A supposed recording violin audition where I had to record four songs
    3. Two history tests (Because of my, honestly, terrible teacher.) , math test, science test, french test.
    4. French project
    5. Go green english project
    6. Gigantic mythology court case project.
    7. The conductor of the Richmond Symphony coming to conduct my orchestra.
    8. This could take a while, so I'll just put ect.

    SEE? I had very good reason. I was barely getting 4 hours of sleep a day, which was a stretch even for me. So- BLEH.

    And by the way, Sol, I love your previous comment. "At least TELL me." Oh, that made me laugh. A lot. :) And I'm glad that I was partly successful.

  11. Thank you for giving us a step-by-step account of your busy-ness, Mira. =) And thanks for commenting on the "at least TELL me" part, because that brought my attention back to Baldr's disappointing lack of clarity. Baldr, allow me to remind you of your lack of clarity by referencing a previous comment: "you shouldn't expect to be able to get everywhere/anywhere in life on 'You know what I was getting at!' Pitiful, really. Make it explicit. Convince me. Persuade me. At least TELL me."
    So... yeah.

  12. Yeah, I would like a bit more detail too. Personally, I like it, but it could use smoothing over. How are we going to use... oh wait, we already figured that out. Never mind!!! =)

  13. Laga when can I call you next?

  14. Detail is good. I am going to go sleep now, as it is midnight. Which is actually early now... I will comment again tomorrow... zzzz

  15. Here I am, going through old posts and reading old comments.
    Look at the one before this one : " I will comment again tomorrow." How many days has it been since that 'tomorrow?' One, two, three... fifteen... fifteen plus twenty-five... yep, 40 DAYS. Sad. That is SAD.

  16. No one has posted writing in a long time... and in fact only Laga and I have EVER posted writing... is there something wrong with this picture?